With Love, Soa

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Things left unsaid.

I don’t know where to start. I guess I’ll start with the motivation for this note.

You died tragically not too long ago and immediately I was inundated with grief. It’s so weird. You and I were super cool. We hung out and talked frequently, then all of a sudden we just kind of stopped talking like our vibe just disconnected. Outside of the obligatory social media correspondence, and obligatory ‘happy birthday (if i remembered to check facebook that day),’ we hadn’t had a meaningful conversation in a long while. I even unfollowed you on some pages because I just kinda got tired of seeing you on my newsfeed. I needed something fresh.

But when the news came in that you had fallen off a boat and drowned only to have your body found more than a day later, I was speechless. I was…I was ANGRY!

I was in the middle of a conversation, holding my god daughter and couldn’t speak for a good 5 minutes.

It brought thoughts of all the things left unsaid between us. And I was JUST thinking about you too. I said to myself that I was going to reach out to you, but constantly forgot.

Smh.

A part of me is still grieving.

I’m still grieving, but maybe this note will quell my constant thoughts of death and the meaning of life and how cyclical it all is. One life ending, another just getting started.

Now I think about all the things left unsaid with everyone I used to be close to! But still think about. Would I want to die or be stricken by the death of someone I love or used to love and feel guilt for having never told them things on my heart?

So here goes, this is to you:

I hate how it all ended. It left me slapped with the taste still in my mouth. I was blindsided. I was stuck with the belief that you’d always be there, just a mere phone call away. It left me mourning your loss.

How do you go from being a staple in someone’s life to fading away like a stranger? How do you go from caring for a person to caring less about them? How do you go from loving someone to loathing them. Hating them so much that you can’t bare to look at even a picture of them? Maybe you don’t hate them, but seeing them brings to mind too many memories too fast — ranging from the birth to the death of that relationship.

It’s just too sad sometimes.

It’s disappointing.

I force myself to hate you because I love you too much. I ignore you because it’s easier. The memories of what once was is too hard to bear and you simply just faded away.

I care for you and have love for you and smile at the memories we once shared, you know, because it was deeper than that. Maybe our season HAS ended. I firmly believe that if you’re gone from my life, then it is God’s will. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll see each other again some day.

But for now, it’s time for us to say goodbye.

So, goodbye old friend. I wish you well.

I forgive you and wish you success on all of your endeavors and beyond. I’ll never forget what you meant to me and for that I thank you.

I wish you love and happiness.

I love you.

I wish you peace.

With Love,

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P.S. God IS the funniest comedian.

To Jeneé. RIP.

Inspired Thoughts: What Drives You?

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What drives you?

What is the mantra by which you live your day-to-day life? What is it that pushes you to do one last thing on your daily to do list? What opportunities are you being open for? What strides are you making to accomplish your goals? What history are you making?

It’s been a minute since I last wrote here…over two months to be exact. And it’s not necessarily that I haven’t had anything to write about or that my life has been boring, quite the opposite actually.

I’ve accomplished more in the last two months personally and professional than some years combined. (more to blog soon)

Since February 14th, I’ve got an apprentice. She doubles as my assistant, but feels like a baby step sister…. I’ve managed a major and historical event in Alabama, experienced SxSW, and took my company bi-coastal to Hollywood. I’ve met civil rights leaders, been in the same room with a president, and partied with rappers, not to mention the extremely inspiring and motivating people who I’ve come across.

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Before this year came in, I set my intention to earn my success abundantly and have the energy, focus, insight, support, and assistance to receive it. I was driven by the need to grow my business and experience growth in myself. I want to look back a year from now and know without a doubt that all the seeds I planted, all the plants I watered, all the prayers I’ve prayed and all the relationships I cultivated moved me even closer to my overall goals. That they returned back to me bountifully.

What’s been driving me? The opportunity to receive bigger and better opportunities that will not only help me but will help all the people in my life. What drives me is being able to truly hire my apprentice and to pick up the check at dinner and to pay all my bills with more than plenty left over…to be able to take an amazing adventure with my husband and not worry about being able to afford it. What drives me is to be able to tell my mom she doesn’t have to work every day if she doesn’t want to. I’m driven by being a blessing to others and inspiring them to bless others.

What drives you?

Your answer to that will determine your future.

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Style-spiration: Unphased

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I lost a client last week.

Well to be fair, they hadn’t signed on to be a client yet. However, based on very tense and detailed discussions, they had already started to feel like clients. When they dropped the bomb on me that they didn’t want to continue based on their already bloated budget, I easily could have got mad. I had already put in close to 10 hours of work causing my other confirmed work to fall behind since it was a pop up opportunity. I could have sent them an invoice for work already completed peppered with sarcasm and disdain, but for what?

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I try to be a great example for both my interns and my colleagues. I try to show them that situations like this happens in the world of entrepreneurship. My pr assistant asked me if I was mad and what I was going to do. I told her this,

At the end of the day, I did my job. I went in there and presented them with an amazing proposal and took their vision so far out of the box that they didn’t even know that it could be done. I was courteous, nice, and stern about what I was worth in order to execute. If they were unable to deliver for what ever reason, that has nothing to do with me. I choose to believe that the Universe is conspiring in my favor and preparing me for an even bigger opportunity.

You are in control of your emotions. You control how you react to what happens to you. You can either be controlled by the negative or control the negative, using it as motivation for something positive.

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The way you react to things that don’t go your way is directly correlated to what will happen next. If you come out of a situation knowing and believing you did your absolute best, you will be rewarded.

If you go into a situation knowing that you are going above and beyond to deliver the best service, project, presentation, speech, product, and all of the above at the end of the day THAT is what matters.

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So if someone decides that they can’t afford you or that your vision is too grand or that you are too much…come out of it unphased, you did your best anyway.